Beyond the Gate
by ShenYue
Summary: "...I see...things..." "What kind of things, Edward? Things from the gate?" Empty, hollow eyes, one blind, drifted to look past Roy's right shoulder. "...Bad things..." Not all nightmares are imagined...R&R plz Spoiler warning, EdWin, RoyRiza
1. Chapter One

It was the pain that brought Edward back.

But it was the same pain that sent him away.

He drifted through coagulating seas of shadow..._things _were there...and he would reach for them...

Only to have them slip through his metal fingers. All ten of them.

Auto mail. It was eating him.

* * *

It was then that he would wake, bolting ramrod straight into the air, sweating, panting. Coughing. He would check his hands and make sure that only five digits were the steel hardness he had grown accustomed to. And see that he only had one arm. 

It felt as though he had died one hundred deaths and returned only to die one hundred more. The weight of those from across the gate...the lives he employed to perform that which was alchemistic...they sank his heart to impossible levels...what he had endured while he had been _there_.

It was these thoughts that kept him awake.

They ran through his head until he thought he would scream.

Then he would collapse.

He remembered, vaguely, hitting his head once.

* * *

This time was different, however. After attempting to jerk forward Edward found that he was secured firmly in place. Leather straps crossed his chest, under his arms, and kept him from moving. He moaned, almost experimentally, and found a cool hand placed on his forehead. A gloved hand. 

"You're in the Central Hospital. Al went to get a doctor." Roy Mustang. Answering the unasked question. The older man's left eye was covered with a thick black patch. "He didn't want to leave you. I made him go." Golden strands of hair, shorter hair then when he had disappeared, were brushed out of Edward's eyes with a gentleness that the young alchemist had not thought possible from Mustang. Straw colored strands spilled over his pillow, too short to pull back into a ponytail.

"...At...r..." His superior, his enemy, placed a chip of ice between Edward's lips and stepped away.

"Better?" The boy nodded once and let his head fall away to the side sucking water from the flake and begging his body to let him drift away again. "Al tells me that you have dreams, Full Metal, nightmares." Instead of being daunted by the back of the blonde head Roy merely walked to the other side and stared into dull amber eyes. The flame alchemist noticed how his right one was slightly clouded.

He was blind in that eye.

Ed blinked once and tried to force his head the other way but his bandaged neck didn't have the strength.

"What kind of nightmares?"

"...The _bad_ kind..." Despite the obstinate words, he whispered them with none of the bite or conviction that his voice usually contained.

"What do you mean, 'the bad kind', midget?" Hazy eyes trembled and rolled backwards into his head and the colonel felt a pang of fear deep in his chest. Full Metal had never acted this way ever before. No matter what, he would be sarcastic, acid towards Roy. He hadn't thought that four years would make that much of a difference.

And the entire time Roy had known him, Edward had never not reacted to comments directed at his height.

It worried the him to see the young man in such a state. Edward had always been strong, always kept his brother from worrying too much. He had always at least put up the front that everything was okay...

He was losing consciousness again and Mustang could tell. The teen's two remaining limbs were relaxing and he seemed to be shrinking before his very eyes.

"...I see...things..." Roy resisted the urge to grab the kid before him by the shoulders and shake him.

"What kind of things, Edward? Things from the gate?" Empty, hollow eyes, one blind, drifted to look past Roy's right shoulder. His left arm lifted from the bed and pointed weakly in the same direction, falling with a harsh thump to his side only seconds after. Ed's eyes closed and his lips moved. The elder soldier leaned closer, until he could feel the febrile heat radiating from the pale body and the boy's breath on his face, slow, even, and warm.

The words were barely audible, little more then an exhale.

"..._Bad_ things..."

...End Chapter One

Forgive me, this is my first attempt at a Hagaren fanfiction. Please, give it a chance and come back soon for the next installment.

Thanks for reading and please leave a review as you exit the page...that is, if you want me to update faster.


	2. Chapter Two

Thank you Eternal Rose for the spoiler reminder! Yes, there may be spoilers! Be warned!

I forgot!

Also, thanks be to everyone for the reviews!

And Kouri-desu! If you happen to ever read fic this again and see this message of course...I love your art and wish I could draw like you! v I will be requesting your move-y address...thing...when I get around to it...heh, heh...heh.

Also, Alphonse will be referring to his brother as such, Brother.

With that blonde hair they probably aren't Asian anyway. And considering that the alternate world beyond the gate is Munich...

Well.

You probably catch my drift.

So pretend they are speaking a deviant of German.

...also I've taken some liberties with the date...it's not 1921. It's 20 years later...stay with me here!

As you may have already guessed, this tale has nothing to do with the movie (Squee!) that will soon be coming out in Japan. Can't wait!

I have kept you all far too long, please continue on with the second chapter.

And thanks again!

* * *

Al found, for lack of any better term, his brother behind the remains of the house they had burned so many years ago. The younger had been attempting an alchemistic transmutation. Exactly what type, he refused to say at the time but swore, through flooding tears, that he was not trying to revive anyone. There was a rebound, a flash of blue light, and suddenly the older Elric, sans auto mail limbs, was lying on the grass before him.

Edward was older, thinner. Positively swimming in the stained and tattered clothes he wore.

He had been gone for over three years and the thirteen-year-old, who had re-pieced his memory back together from pictures, stories and flashbacks had a sudden recall of everything that they had gone through together.

It was as if the sight of his brother, lying unconscious, or worse, before him, brought it all back.

Alphonse remembered weeping, wondering how he could have forgotten.

Roze, with a toddler of three and a half clinging to her neck, found Al clutching a body, the body of one she thought had died long ago. It was her scream that brought Izumi, on a now routine visit, and Pinako running.

Izumi had pulled Al away from his brother and made sure all of the younger Elric's limbs were there. She debated asking whether or not he had tried a human transmutation but a pained groan from her previously missing student made her forget the moment. Tears, dripping from her chin, had revived Edward for a brief instant...he spoke her title in a voice she almost didn't recognize; harsh, old and weathered. Edward had coughed, blood flecking his lips and Izumi's face as he choked out Al's name before slipping away.

It was his teacher and Pinako that prevented him from dying before they could send him to the hospital. They had staunched the bleeding from a wound in his neck and wrapped that along with the less serious. Winry had been contacted and was on the next train. She of course had been learning more and more about the auto mail trade in Rush Valley.

Pinako had called Mustang not soon after that.

With quickness that surprised the entire household, Roy had gotten Edward to the proper medical facilities. Al held Ed's remaining hand the whole time and Pinako had no doubt in her mind that that was what kept the nineteen-year-old anchored to life. Ed's younger brother whispered words of encouragement, wiped the sweat from his face and wept out of happiness.

* * *

Now, confined to a hospital bed and possibly suffering from some type of mental illness, Edward seemed small and frail. His face was so white that it was nearly translucent and his dark eyelashes stood out on his cheeks like black ink on parchment. Short gasps and the shallow rise and fall of a thin chest were the only indications that he still lived.

And though it was completely out of his character, Roy, promoted to fuhrer over two years ago to control military actions under the Parliament, felt drawn to comfort the one before him. The former Full Metal Alchemist tossed slightly now and then, caught in his nightmares, the ones he fell into every moment he slept.

The only thing the doctors could do was drug him into a deeper sleep in hopes that rest would help heal his injured personage.

But the dreams still took their toll.

Dark circles rimmed Edward's eyes and exhaustion creased his forehead. He was thin, much thinner then he should have been and Roy longed to know what had happened beyond the gate. Not to mention, how he had even crossed back over.

"Did he say anything?" Al. The younger brother who had forgotten everything appeared suddenly next to him. It was odd. The boy was strangely quiet and it unnerved the fuhrer that, without a hulking metal body, he couldn't tell when Al walked into a room. "Miss Hawkeye said she would be here soon and the doctors said that they couldn't give him anything more." The boy sighed, a sad exhale. "I wish I knew what happened..."

"But you remember everything now?" Roy's onyx eyes were riveted on the I.V. snaking along Edward's pale wrist, the straps restricting his weakened body. "The Fifth Laboratory? The Homunculi? Even the gate?" There was no response so Mustang tried again. "Your mother?" Alphonse tensed visibly and nodded, smoothing back his brother's hair. Edward's eyelids fluttered and he leaned sleepily into the touch and slept peacefully.

"He relaxes when I'm here. That's why I didn't want to leave." Tears dripped onto the immaculate sheets. "I can't believe I forgot...everything...even Brother..."

"Trauma does that to the mind, Alphonse. Don't be too hard on yourself..." Mustang watched Edward breathe, pensively caught in bygone memories. After a time he spoke again, quietly. "I know that everyone has asked you this," he paused, debating whether or not to continue, the wondering pallid gold eyes of Alphonse prompted him to go on. "I need to know what you were doing the day Edward returned." Ever since said Alchemist had returned, since Al had regained all of his memories, he had never once mentioned his mother. "I need to know if you were attempting a human transmutation."

"I was going to rebuild the house..." the younger Elric didn't even pause. "Though most everything was gone...I was still going to try. After all those years...I pressed my hands together and could feel the foundation start to build...And then there was a rebound." He chuckled, running his fingers through Edward's bangs. "I thought I was going to die...but there was only a flash of light, bright blue light...and he was there..." Tears were now streaming down Al's face and his shoulders shook and heaved. Roy placed a gloved hand on his back, listening to the younger Elric sob. Here, in the face of such emotion, the great Roy Mustang was helpless.

He could do nothing else.

* * *

Day slipped into night, slipped into day, and into dusk. That was the next time Edward woke from his nightmares. He looked around and felt his heart constrict in fear as he saw the white walls and the doctor in the white lab coat. Despite the restraints he struggled and twisted, screaming. When the doctor came near he panicked more and broke out bleeding anew from his neck. It was Al that finally burst into the room and sent the doctor away.

"Brother? Brother!" He was scared, they were both scared and Edward gripped his sibling as well as the restraints would allow.

"Al...Al...Al...Don't let them...don't let them touch me..." The younger Elric undid the straps that constricted his brother. One arm, one fragile limb, latched around his waist and held on for dear life. Blood was leaking from everywhere but Edward paid it no mind and concentrated on burying his face into his now much younger sibling's chest.

"Brother, what's wrong? No one is going to hurt you..." Al rubbed his gaunt brother's back and wanted to cry. He could feel every bone...and every scar. They crisscrossed all over him. His brother had been lashed, tortured. Al could feel tears leaking into his shirt.

"They killed me...I died, Al...I died...I died..."

...End Chapter Two

Saa. There it is, chapter two in all its crapulent glory...

Fear not, interesting stuff will happen soon...I hope.

Please review and feel free to leave suggestions!

Thank you!


	3. Chapter Three

Yay! Thank you for your new gallery, Kouri-desu!

I love it!

And thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I'm glad you all like it so much so far!

Also, to answer a question: Priestess Kurumi Inu's Sister, they are thirteen and nineteen and I don't mind you asking. In fact...more people will probably ask more questions...

Please! Continue on!

* * *

He was marching in the cold, wet rain...god he was exhausted. And angry. Never in his life had he wanted to use alchemy so badly. These people, they who called themselves Nazis, they were making everybody walk, to where, no one knew.

No one but Edward and his father.

People were dying all around him. Exhaustion, sickness, weakness...all took their toll, one life after another after another after another...

Edward hadn't felt this kind of anger in a long time. Of course, he couldn't do anything about it. One of the soldiers, after Ed had spoken-or rather yelled-his outrage in a moment of sheer idiocy, had struck him in the head with the butt of his rifle. Hard. His golden braid was stained the color of dirty rust from the dried blood.

But he could thank the Nazi for not killing him.

The former alchemist woke hours later, on the back of his bastard father. He jumped off, indignant, and told the man not to touch him. Heavy clothing, weighted heavily by the rainwater, dragged him down and he felt ready to collapse. The fabric clung to him, sticking to his skin and annoying him even further. He grumbled softly, refusing to give into fragility.

Hohenheim, in turn, told him to keep his mouth closed, or they would be shot.

"We should've been more careful." Needless to say the elder man was upset. He and his son had managed to avoid capture for over three years. Now it was their own stupidity that would kill them.

"Leave me alone..." Edward rubbed his skull gingerly with fingers he could barely feel due to the cold...how it ached. He almost wished he had let the bastard keep carrying him.

"They're going to kill us."

"Shut up..."

"We're being taken to a camp. We probably won't make it out alive, Edward."

"Sie! seien sie ruhige rückseite dort!" **1.** A burly German man lifted his gun, motioning that this time, he would shoot.

"Ah! traurig! **2.** They almost didn't let me carry you." Hohenheim whispered to his son after apologizing in a language that Edward barely knew. The blonde teen looked around slowly, ignoring the building giddiness. Surrounding him were exhausted individuals, hundreds of them. Women, men and children, marching haggardly along the path. It was beginning to look like some of them wouldn't make it when the train tracks came into view. Cattle cars, rows of them, with wide open doors yawned at the weary travelers.

And then everyone was forced inside.

Immediately the space was filled with the stifling smell of wet wool, it made the air hot and heavy. There was no room to sit, only to stand and his father already had a little girl on his back, she was sleeping and it wasn't long before the young Elric was supporting a child too. Their parents, he found out, were barely three-hours dead, shot before even getting into the cars.

It was days later when the train finally stopped. Many had died, including the children he and his father had tried to help. An overwhelming feeling of pain and loss flowed through him but he was too sick to do much about it.

Illness bred in these cars. He had seen it before and would probably never live to see it again.

He could glimpse his father, two worn-down people away from him, and the man's eyes were filled to the brim with worry. Edward tried to smile through the ache in his head, he tried to be brave when in fact he was terrified. He knew that they were going to die.

Both he and his father had been trying to make a difference in this war-torn world from across the gate. They were part of a resistance, one that combated the Nazi army and rescued death-camp inmates. They had been in the middle of what could almost be considered a routine break-in, break-out.

A foolish mistake caused by one of the younger members had cost two good men their lives, and resulted in the capture of Hohenheim and son. Damn the Gestapo.

But he couldn't think about it right now...he could barely _think_ at the moment...

The smell inside this confined space was so bad...he knew that if he threw up it wouldn't be much worse, but he couldn't bring himself to do that, it was already so filthy, so dank. The doors flew open and everyone rushed outside, flooding through the exit, jostling Edward back and forth until he was finally swept into the glaring, head ache amplifying sunlight. As soon as hard-packed, frost-filled earth hit his boots he felt his knees buckle and he landed heavily, retching, unable to stop even after he began to dry heave. A strong hand on his back soothed him and held his unkempt braid out of the way. It was a while.

"You're sick."

"Thanks for stating the obvious...old man..."

"It's because you were hit in the head. You probably have a concussion."

"Why are you talking to me?" After all these years Edward still couldn't let go of the hate that filled him, even after working and cooperating with his father on so many missions...he just couldn't bring himself to forgive. Hohenheim ignored the bitter question and supported his son, so much dead weight, more due to the metal limbs. It was only a matter of time before the Nazi's found that out. And then he knew that the teen would probably be killed. He was aware that Edward knew too.

There was a bucket of water going around and the elder man helped Edward get a drink. The teen's hands were shaking too badly to hold the pail. Much too soon they were all forced back into the cattle cars. Only difference was that this time, because the bodies of the deceased had been removed, there was more room. Edward and Hohenheim were able to sit now, in the only dry space they could find. He pulled his quivering, eighteen, soon to be nineteen-year-old son closer and ignored the painfully soft protests. He could feel the unforgiving metal of Edward's arm dig into his shoulder as the smaller body relaxed but he ignored it. The only thing he could do now was pray that his son's condition would improve before they reached that place...

* * *

Edward woke to the sounds of angered shouting. He was tired, and his head felt heavy and his mouth felt dry.

Still sick...and cold. The familiarity of the warm body was gone and he wondered briefly where it had disappeared to. The gentle rocking of the train made his head spin and he regretted opening his eyes.

Then he realized that it was his father doing part of the shouting. Shouting loudly in German...the only language, a variant of his own, that Edward had been able to learn some of.

"Leave him be! He needs to rest!"  
"He's been lying down there for hours, he needs to give someone else a chance!"

"No, he-" Ed stood weakly and cut him off by speaking to the other man.

"I'm sorry, I'll get up now...I have been sleeping too much lately..." He attempted a grin but his sunken eyes and pale, cracked lips did nothing to reassure his father. Hohenheim helped his son onto shaky feet and caught him as his legs threatened to crumple.

This train, though horribly different in so many ways, reminded Edward of all the trips he had taken with his younger brother. How they had been shipped off on so many missions and had ridden the train so many times. All the same, now that his fate was sealed he doubted he would have the chance to somehow get back to his world and see him again.

Not that it was a sure thing that Al had been revived.

"Edward..." the teenager held up his trembling left hand, touching away the sweat dripping down his face and letting his arm fall back to his side.

"I'll be fine..." but in reality his auto mail had never felt so heavy...

...End Chapter Three

Forgive my craptacular attempts...I do try though...

**1.** roughly, "You! Be quiet back there!"

**2.** sorry

I hope that this chapter clears up at least one question.

And I also hope that you guys still like it...

It's an idea that's been milling around in my head for some time now.

So, thanks for reading! And please review!


	4. Chapter Four

Some Roy/Riza in this one...A little scene I'm actually proud of. Mainly just some pointless fluff...short, meaningless chapter...but, onward!

And apologies to Kazaera for my lack of German. I don't know any! But, I was trying to create the _illusion_...so I am sorry to all people who know German out there...Please forgive me!

Thanks for the actual translation though!

Truth be told, I was debating on putting it in there in the first place...don't look for any more German attempts from me...I've learned my lesson. 'sheepish grin'

Oh my...you are all going to hate me later...I can feel it...sadly...he was kinda old...

But anyways! Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

_Black hands cradled his limp body...he was floating again... _

Liquid metal flowed and gurgled underneath him and he felt detached...alone...the hands caressed his limbs and face...softly...gently...

They were reaching at him...pawing, clawing, grabbing, ripping!

Alphonse!

He was there, above him, far above him! The restricting hands prevented any attempt to reach for him. He could swear Al turned towards him, could swear it, but then he walked away...

"...Hates...you..."

Suddenly Edward was dropped into the molten stream and as he opened his mouth to cry out it was immediately filled with gagging fluid.

Al!

It burned and scorched his throat and he thrashed his arms madly, trying to break the surface. The gray splashed over his head, coating him in quicksilver.

Al...

His silent screams went unnoticed and he drowned...

* * *

Al was dumbstruck and had no words to say to the shaking man in his arms. He was only able to hold his brother until he slipped back into nightmarish sleep, exhausted. The younger Elric listened to him murmur.

Tortured mumblings from a tortured soul.

It was all Al could do to leave him and fetch the fuhrer.

"He died?" Mustang was struck speechless. There was Ed, right in front of him-moving, breathing-living.

"He said that 'they' killed him." Al's voice hitched and he placed his hands on his brother's chest, smoothing the wrinkles in the sheets covering him. "His back is covered with scars..." Roy glanced briefly at Riza, standing in the doorway as stoic as she ever was in situations like these.

Frankly, she had been skeptical when she had first heard the news. She hadn't wanted to believe it at first and had thought it some sick joke being played by someone posing as her superior.

When she found out that it was indeed true she doubted that she had ever traveled to anywhere else faster then when she rushed to the hospital.

Havoc, Fury, Armstrong, Falman and the rest would be coming along soon to see how he was doing. Situations in Drachma were proving difficult to handle but not to the point where they wouldn't see the one who had been missing for so many years, the one who had touched, or rather forced his way into, all their lives.

To Hawkeye it was heart wrenching to see the boy in such a state. Memories of him proved that he was strong, had always been strong and should have continued as such. But now, trembling and plagued by nightmares, he was just a little boy again haunted by recollections of day Nina, or when Hughes had been murdered.

And it wasn't everyday she saw her commander this worried. To him, Full Metal, Edward had always been a challenge. For Roy to see his former subordinate as he was...Riza could tell he was losing sleep over the teenager lost in the sea of white hospital sheets.

With her eyes she called Mustang out of the room and when he had left Al and closed the heavy door she spoke in a voice that she didn't use often. It was soft, coy and demanding.

"Take some coffee with me." A ghost of a smile darted across her features and Roy voluntarily complied.

"I will."

* * *

Downstairs in the hospital cafeteria, amid the bustle of patients and doctors alike, the fuhrer sipped the black liquid in his flimsy paper mug and set it back on the table before him.

"It's been a while since we've had a drink together, sir..." Wrapping her hands around the cup to warm them, she grinned into her coffee and cream.

"I can't believe he's back..." Roy rubbed his temples, warding off a building headache.

"I know, sir. It is quite the miracle." Gently she placed her drink onto the table and embraced her superior's fidgeting hands in her own, grounding them on the plastic surface. "He will recover." Sepia eyes trapped and held charcoal in their mahogany depths.

"The doctors are talking about Posttraumatic Stress Disorder." Riza rubbed his hands, pulling off one glove, leisurely slipping it over his fingers and brushing her thumb along his palms.

"Edward is strong enough to overcome it. You know that..." Delicately she captured his lips with her own, tasting the bittersweet traces of hospital coffee.

...End Chapter Four

Like layers in a cake.

I hope that was good...now that we're getting development out of the way...I hope to _slowly _introduce a plot. grin

Please, don't hesitate to suggest things that you may like to see.

Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter Five

Winry's turn! Mmm, tasty Ed/Winry...smile And a little look on what happened to Ed while he was away...

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!

Please don't hesitate to tell me if it begins to...well, ceases to be interesting.

Thanks for the reviews!

And AmunRa! Thanks for the advice! This chapter will be longer...and I never get tempted to throw things...unless it's a heartless flame! "smile"

I take your suggestion and will try to write better and longer! I just hope I don't disappoint you...

And Psyconorika, your art is awesome! DRAW MORE!

Oh, just noticed I have no disclaimer: I don't own anything, let alone FMA.

* * *

_Bright blue eyes surrounded by a pale expanse of dusty skin begged him to come play. _

"Come with me..."

She whispered, luring his mind into the darkness.

"I can't."

He heard himself saying it, but at the same time it felt as thought he wasn't there.

"Come on..."

The dark was pushing in around him, the sour taste of the crematories filled his mouth and settled on his tongue. He gagged on the smoke...tears sprang to his eyes...

"Come on..."

He tried to move forward but fell instead, his automail was gone, disappeared.

"Wait..."

He yelled at the top of his lungs but it came out as only a whisper, an echo of what it was really, swallowed by the black.

"Play with me..."

I small figure, running away from him...trailed by smoke and fire. The darkness lightened and he could see the dark buildings against the pallid backdrop of ash.

"Wait...don't go that way..."

That man, he was there, waiting in the gray, arms opened, reaching, clawing...his boots were so bright, blinding, dogs were barking...

"Wait..."

He tried again, but this time scorching pain flared through his veins, and then his arm was missing...

"...Play..."

She was running away from him...no...she was being taken from him! He dragged himself forward with one arm, ignoring the pain and cloying smell of burning bodies...

"...No..."

He was kicked, struck, cut, bleeding!

Dying...falling...

The black hands reached...equivalent trade...

It resonated around them and made him want to throw up...

They were ripping into his neck...

"No!"

* * *

Two days after Riza and Roy's chat over coffee, Winry arrived and assessed the damage to the ports on Edward's thigh and shoulder. In some places the metal had been stripped away and new wounds laced in and out with the old.

A procedure so painful that he would have been sick for days.

Her mechanical eyes flew over the pocked surface while her fingers sifted through his sweaty bangs. The broken metal would definitely need to be replaced as damaged as it was, and he had grown a little anyway. Even though the muscles underneath each of the docks were atrophied, there was swelling around each of the connections. But there would be no surgery done unless it was absolutely necessary. Simply put, the strain would kill him. It was imperative that he gained back the weight he had lost and recovered from his wounds-both mental and physical.

The female mechanic was overjoyed when his eyes flickered open and rested upon her anxious face. He smiled, a sad little grin that was a mere shadow of what used to be.

"There was a little girl..." he muttered, so tired that his lips would barely move. "She reminded me of you..."

"Oh?" All Winry could seem to do was clutch his hand and rub her thumb in little circles over the pale skin.

"...But the Nazis...they killed her...took her away from me..." his voice was still soft; tears rolled down his cheeks and soaked into the sheets, but he seemed not to notice. "...I tried to save her..." His gaze, it held so much emotion... "...the testing...after they tried to change them..." he chuckled, but it was more a dying man's cough than a laugh. "...That's why I can't see out of my right eye...the dye burned...so dark...I tried to save her...they took her away...I lost you again..." he sobbed, his voice cracking and rising, crystalline tears streamed down his cheeks. "One of _his _children...we were all _his _children...he was mad...insane..." slowly, shakily he touched his hand to his face, covering his left eye. "He kept me because he liked my eyes...wanted to change them...and for my auto mail...didn't know what it was...took it away...took her away...took you away...from me..."

"But why did you say that you died? Why did you tell Al that?" He was scaring her, the world beyond the gate scared her and she didn't want to hear any more. But she couldn't stop him, she didn't have the power. These words were coming from a mouth that hadn't spoke to her in years...a voice she hadn't heard in so long...

"...they hit me because I tried to save her..."

"Why did you say that you died?" His eyes were drifting closed and it didn't appear to Winry that he heard her questions. She realized that the medicine probably confused him. "...They hit me to death...the Nazi soldiers...Father...he was killed...gassed...burned...Al probably used him too...for alchemy...just like me..."

"Ed, what do you mean?"

"...I died...the gate. Al used me...drawn...drawn to Al...but it didn't work...somehow...I was still alive...or I became alive..." he laughed again, voice tapering so she could barely hear him. "...too complicated ...too tired..." he exhaled softly, quietly drifting away into sleep. So pale, too pale...too thin. These thoughts and more ran circles in Winry's head along with one that her mechanical mind refused to ignore. It was necessary that the scarred metal, digging into his flesh, was removed as soon as possible. The edges were jagged and sharp, any movement would pain him. It was a constant source of hurt and she knew from experience that anything stealing strength from his well of resistance would make him weaker. And with all the thrashing he did in his dreams...she could see that fresh blood stained the pale flesh. The empty socket was stained a dusty red.

A few days...a few more days of rest and she would have no choice.

"I don't understand alchemy..." gently she smoothed back his hair, desperate for touch that she hadn't had for three, nearly four years. The hospital gown hung loosely around his arms, a child's size because he had lost so much weight. She moved her fingers down onto his exposed neck and shoulders, running the sensitive pads of her fingertips along the smooth swelling of his collar bones. They jutted above his pale skin in harsh relief. Winry bit her lower lips, tears burned in her eyes. He was so small...lost in the huge expanse of hospital sheets.

She heard the door click and Al slipped up next to her.

"Did he say anything? How is he?"

"He told me quite a bit...actually." She sighed, running her fingers over his pale face. "He said he was killed by Nazis...but I don't know what they are. He said that, that your father died, Al." Her quiet cerulean eyes drifted over familiar, hardened features. Edwards face, so still and serene. Lips she longed to kiss were parted slightly and moved gently as he spoke in his sleep. "I think they were captured by these monsters and tortured and killed..." she smiled, tears shimmering in her eyes. "He's getting stronger, though...I mean, from what Miss. Hawkeye told me..." she swiped her eye quickly with the back of her hand. "She said that just a couple of days ago he could barely even open his eyes." Al smiled back.

"That's good news, but I wish he would speak to me..."

"He doesn't want to worry you, that's all." She gripped slender, bony fingers, entwining them with her own. "He's the same caring brother you always had..."

* * *

_Sunlight was streaming down through the trees and Edward lay dozing, basking in their warm rays. Winry sighed, pulling his black shirt down to hide his stomach. That's all he would need, a sunburned belly. A book, open on his face, blocked the sun, providing shade for his eyes. _

It was not often that he got to rest like this...away from the hassles of the military world.

Of course, he was missing an arm, but that didn't matter much. In fact, this time, he had told her to take as long as she needed. For once he and Al weren't in a hurry.

Said suit of armor was sitting by the river watching the fish and petting Den, enjoying the day.

The blonde mechanic sighed again and ran a finger down the length of Ed's left arm. He exhaled loudly, turning his head to the side and losing the hardback manuscript. Closed eyes squinted tightly and he moaned, loathe to open them in lieu of the sun.

It was then Winry chose to kiss him. She captured his mouth and claimed it as her own, the peaches he ate for lunch lingered on his lips and left a pleasant flavor on her tongue. She felt him tense beneath her.

Almost a minute passed before he responded, gently leaning forward into her, eyes still closed, entwining his fingers in her hair and pulling her closer.

"Winry..." he murmured around the kiss. She could feel him smiling...

* * *

A choked cry woke her from her reverie. She was aware that she had fallen asleep on Edward's bed, her head pillowed on her arms next to his head.

He was groaning in his sleep.

Winry had been told about his nightmares, how they haunted him, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him close and being mindful of the wires running all around him.

She leaned forward and whispered to him.

"Remember that day?" Closer until she could feel his breath on her face. "I kissed you next to the river...and Al saw us and got embarrassed?" His eyes opened slowly, misty with uncertainty, slowly clearing with recognition. "Do you remember?"

It was her turn to be caught off guard when his lips touched hers, desperately, with as much strength as he could manage. She could taste the mint of the toothpaste he had brushed his teeth with earlier, by way of Al's help. He mumbled into the kiss, like that day so long ago...

"I remember..."

* * *

Stronger. He was stronger three days later and ready to try solid foods.

Winry remembered, with a grimace at those painful days, that he had always healed quickly. She had propped him up with pillows, carefully, and now only she and Al were with him in the room. Roy and Riza had left to meet the others at the train station. They would be back in a few hours.

Up until this day he had been nourished intravenously, only sucking on ice chips occasionally, really too weak to remain conscious for more than a few minutes, let alone eat.

Gelatin was to be his first food. Yellow gelatin in fact. It was Al that brought it in and placed it on the surface jutting over the bed.

Edward gulped it down fast, swallowing the slimy stuff in two mouthfuls. The contents were gone in seconds. He had held the bowl in a shaking left hand, tipping the vibrant mess into his mouth, spoon forgotten or ignored.

Winry remembered that he had always eaten quickly but the way he groped for the bowl like a drowning man fought for air frightened her a little. The plastic bowl had clattered against the tray, almost falling to the floor but his thin, nimble fingers caught it at the last second and sped it to his lips.

It had made an odd slurping sound.

The doctors, keeping a safe distance, had warned them of how hungry he would be. His body was malnourished and weak, starving and thin. In Ed's mind, he needed to eat more, and if not warned that it could possibly kill him, Winry admitted she would've found more for him. Golden eyes gazed sadly at the empty bowl now sitting in his sprawling waist and he licked his lips, wiping his mouth with his left arm, sans IV.

"...Heh..." he whispered, "haven't had real food in a while..." A sorrowful glance was tossed Al's way and the young boy grabbed at it, seeking to hold his brother's eyes with his own. It didn't work and the tired stare flicked back to the empty bowl and the sticky remains of yellow gel. "Winry, could you leave us a moment, please?" His black velvet voice, so calm yet still shaky with frailty, made tears spring to her eyes and she nodded in understanding.

Silence so heavy that the soft click of the closing door could have made ice shatter hung over the remaining pair.

"Al..." It was little more than a murmur and the younger boy leaned down so he could hear better. In a burst of energy he didn't think his brother possessed he was gripped tightly in a one-armed embrace.

The empty bowl bounced on the floor, rattling loudly.

"Al...I'm so sorry." Caught off guard the thirteen-year-old could only stutter.

"Br...Br...Brother..."

"I tried to get back, I really did, Al...I studied for years, father helped me, scientists helped me, I just couldn't find a way!" Edward was crying now, quivering. "Everyday for so long...everyday I would see you! I would see Winry...the colonel, Armstrong, everyone! You, they were all in the resistance, everyone. I had to look at you all everyday but they didn't even know me..." he gasped for air, tiring and Al tried to push him back into the pillows but he only clung harder. "They didn't know me..." He paused, breathing in his brother's scent, assuring himself that he was truly there. "Every time I look at you...every time...I worry that you'll disappear..."

"But it's okay now, I'm not going anywhere. You're back with us and as soon as your well enough you'll come back home with me..."

"I don't know if I'll ever be well again, Al..." this time he allowed himself to be lowered into the soft cotton embrace of his pillows. "I have dreams...horrible dreams...of things that happened while I was in the camp..." his cries ceased and he suppressed a yawn. He rubbed his eyes with a fist, then left his arm over his face. "The children...their screams...I won't ever be able to forget..."

"And you won't have to," Al said gently, "remember them, just don't let them eat you inside." His heart went out to his older sibling, but he was at a loss as to what to say. "Winry and I will help you, you can get through this."

"What if the colonel wants me to return to the military? Then what will I do? I could never do that again...ever..." he chuckled dryly, "look, I'm shaking just thinking about it..." His laugh turned into a sob and tears dripped onto the pillows beneath his head. "I don't know why I'm crying, Al..."

"It's the medicine," his younger brother soothes, brushing his hand over Edward's forehead, ignoring the heat he felt there for the most part. "Don't worry about it, just get some rest."

"Please, don't leave..." heavy eyelids shielded hazy golden pools seconds later.

"I won't." Alphonse hadn't told Edward about the surgery he would have to endure in only a week's time.

...End Chapter Five

Yay!

Another chappie!

And next up, Germany.

Thanks for reviews!


	6. Chapter Six

Here it is! Chapter 6! The big six...ah...thanks for the reviews!

And the ideas I picked up from them!

Sorry this took so long...I had many tests...tests of doom!

...And it's short...gah...I failed you! Please forgive me! 'Cry!'

* * *

When he left...when his son died...when the dirigible fell...he had lost him once, twice, and even a third time. Why did he have to pay the price over and over again? This was impossible!

Hohenheim vowed that his son would have a chance. It would be bad, that crazy bastard would have his son in his bloodstained claws...but maybe then Edward would survive. He was strong.

Stronger than he, Hohenheim, had ever been...

And there was no chance for him if he wasn't found desirable, even as a subject to experiment on.

It was senseless that to save his son he would have to condemn him.

Hohenheim could see the man; buried within the Nazis, his dog at his side, but what caught his eye the most were his boots. Big, shiny things that glinted in the sun's dying rays. They were dazzling points of reflected light, the only brightness in the dim and filthy surroundings. A sadistic grin ornamented his face and he shouted for twins. Always twins.

Hohenheim had heard of this man, this Josef Mengele. He had kept the report from his son knowing that the overwhelming sense of regret from his "past life" would force him into a suicide mission. There was no way Edward would stand by and let the children suffer as they did in this camp.

"Edward."

"Saa..." Fever burned from deep within the teenager and his breath hitched with each raspy inhale. He would be killed before he even had a chance at this rate. Hoenheim's heart went out to the shivering teenager and his pale, almost white, complexion. A thin sheet of sweat clung to Ed's face and neck and he swayed back and forth slightly, fighting to keep his fragile hold on balance.

Soft fingers met hard metal as Hohenheim grabbed his son's shoulder and he was struck by how short Ed still was.

Amazing how he had failed to grow hardly four inches in almost three years...

"You need to speak with that man." He pointed Edward's head gently in the direction of the handsome German man. "He is looking for twins but you have something they don't. No one else here has auto mail limbs. It's your only chance! Edward, please!"

"What about you...?" The whispered words were said without pause and Hohenheim gasped, drawing back and almost loosing his son in the crowd. The small body was tossed around, pushed this way and that by the throng. When he caught up with him, they were nearing the gate.

It was always gates; they were the sealers of fate and destiny.

This one was no different. Arbeit macht frei, a lie wrought in cold iron over a portal most would never pass though again in life.

"I'll be fine." Without thinking he embraced his boy, his child, his son and tears began to sting his eyes. "You are so like your mother...so strong..." Hohenheim murmured into Edward's hair as he held him. "I love you, I love her and I love Alphonse..." But his mind was screaming "too old!" Mengele wouldn't keep Edward because he was too old! Panic gripped his heart in bitter fingers and squeezed. "Live for me..."

"Father..." The multitude was being separated now. Mothers were crying for their babies, families were being split, torn apart. Most were being led to the gas chambers, that much Hohenheim knew.

He knew he would be sent there.

"Be strong for me..."

His rotting body would immediately be thrown away.

But all he cared about was that his son survived. Allied forces were coming here; they would find this place soon he hoped. If Edward could just hold on long enough...

"Father...dad...I, I missed you...Al missed you..." The former State Alchemist, the adult, threw his arms around the slim body of his father. "We're going to die here..." Heat soaked through Hohenheim's clothes but cold ice gripped his heart. "I don't want to hate you anymore..."

"Edward...show him your arm. Show him and he might keep you. Survive. Live for me, for your mother; find a way back to Alphonse." Rough hands pulled him away, Ed screamed, tears he hadn't felt before coursed in rivulets down his face.

"Dad!"

"Open the gate within yourself and find a way back!" Then Hohenheim was gone.

Edward was alone.

He walked as straight as he could, acted as healthy as possible.

Angrily he wiped away his tears; there was no time for them now, ever.

Not any more.

* * *

By the time that Hohenheim lost sight of his son he had been separated, stripped and classified.

How lucky. That a shower awaited him at the end of the line. All around him people were being relieved of their clothes. Mothers were telling their children that everything was going to be all right. Just a shower, a shower and then bed.

It wasn't a complete lie.

He stood there, naked, easy prey for the elements.

His rotting body was there for all to see, but no one really did. No one but the Germans.

Hohenheim could see the fear in everyone's eyes. They, like him, knew what was happening, knew that the soap being thrust into their quaking hands was just for show.

They were too frightened of what was going to happen to them to notice the bands of discolored flesh running along his arms and down his back.

"I'm sorry...Edward...I'm sorry for what I did to you and your brother..." It was chilly, wintry air blew through the crowd and he could hear children, babies, crying. He could hear mothers comforting them. "I'm sorry I left your mother..." The infants that women tried to hide in their clothes were found and thrust into empty arms.

He could hear metal doors opening.

Everyone was corralled into the giant rectangular building. A woman spit at a German guard, a boy, barely seventeen most likely, and gave him a nasty, tear-filled look.

"How can you do this to such beautiful children?"

She received no answer, just a shove in the right direction.

Then the screams began. There was no hiding anything now.

_Edward, a tiny body...so little, eyes so big...Cradled in Hohenheim's mammoth hands... _

There were so many people...

_Chasing him, playing tag with his son...falling in the grass...Trisha would be angry; their clothes were dirty...laughing...tickling... _

Silence, save for the hiccupping cries of children pervaded his senses...

_Alphonse...Hohenheim was introducing his second, tiny infant son to Edward...enormous gold eyes met warm steel for the first time...Alphonse's first smile... _

Tiny arms wrapped around his leg, watery, coffee eyes searched for an answer...he could give none...

_Edward, watching...watching him walk out the door, away from his family... _

"I should have stayed..."

_Sorrowful, liquid gold pools, a quivering chin..."goodbye daddy" formed on tiny trembling lips... _

"Please be safe..." White pellets poured in through the ceiling, a shower with no water...he was dizzy...the child hugging his knees fell backwards...dead...his legs collapsed...all around him people died...could almost feel his own body giving out...his dying, rotting body...his eyes closed and he could see his sons, their smiling faces...laughing...

_...Goodbye...Edward..._

_

* * *

_

Somewhere in his fevered mind, Ed knew his father was gone.

He knew what happened to people in this camp, this place of shattered lives and bad memories.

He knew he wouldn't walk out of here alive.

Edward was shaking with the effort of walking forward, only dimly aware that he staggered and almost lost his balance more than once, but filled with determination to show the man so far away...

A muscular guard armed with a rifle brusquely grabbed his right arm and shouted something at him in a tongue that Edward knew he should know, but couldn't make himself remember.

The man yelped, drawing his pistol and rearing backwards.

"I'll shoot!"

"...Mengele..." said German doctor was moving forward, wondering no doubt, what the commotion was all about. "...Mengele..." Edward repeated softly, a breathy whisper that caught the mad man's attention.

A vicious smile spread thin lips and revealed straight teeth. A dog growled at his side, sharp white fangs bared to show bright pink gums, the low rumble resonating as fear inside Edward's stomach.

"And why would you be saying my name?"

"...I have something to show you..." Edward's left hand rose to the shoulder of his dusty brown coat. The guard made to fire but Mengele shooed him away.

"What is it? Why are you reaching for your arm?" The grin expanded, "I could have you shot."

"...Auto...mail..." Shiny metal glinted eerily in the dying sunlight.

"A metal case?" The German laughed. "Boy, that is hardly worth keeping you for."

"...Not a case..." Ed coughed, sadness threatening to drown him, sickness threatening to destroy him. "It's my arm." He said this strongly and with conviction, determined to make the man see he flexed his metal fingers into a fist, making sure the doctor noticed, and then flipped the catch that connected his arm to his body. Edward bit his lip as the telltale clank and spike of pain shot through his senses.

He couldn't help but smile as Mengele lost his.

"It's my arm." He repeated and the prosthetic limb came off in his hand. He thrust it towards the man and showed him the gaping socket.

He braced himself for the pain of the joining and plunged the limb back into its rightful place, wincing and biting his lip. Once again his fingers moved this time waggling in front of the astonished man's face.

"...So...Will you keep me...?" Edward felt ready to collapse under the stress of reconnection.

"Yes...yes...I think I will..."

...End Chapter Six

Whoo...

A little writer's block has struck me in the face...'touches cheek' I think I'm bleeding...

Nothin' I can't handle I hope...I just can't figure out how to connect something together with something else...

I'm a big fan of the idea that Edward may have seen his father leave...'grin' I can't bring myself to hate that man anymore...I do try tho'...

I'm sorry it took so long!

...but...I have a question. Another Germany chapter? Or another hospital-Ed slowly gets better-chapter?

You, the readers, get to decide. I'll be counting.

Oh, and feel free to make other suggestions! I do love them so.

Thanks in advance for the reviews!


	7. Chapter Seven

Oh man…I'm so sorry for taking so long…

My classes have been a nagging jerks lately…

Please except my apologies!

Well! Hospital won by one vote! At least by my count…

I hope you all continue to enjoy this fic…

And I promise…Ed will get better soon…

Until we visit Germany again.

"grin"

Oh...and sorry, this chapter was very difficult for me to write so it came out a little awkward...but I do like how I ended it...

* * *

Edward sat up and stretched languidly, ignoring the painful stretch of fatigued muscles and torn flesh.

Pain was nothing to him now...at least, not the physical type.

He glanced around his pristine room, the first time he had actually looked at it since he had been here for who knew how long...

Gently he ran the fingers of his left hand up and down the expanse of smooth cotton. It was cool and soft to the touch, not the abrasive, filthy cloth of the hospital sheets he had lain on for over a month while he had been in _that _place.

But today was a good day. Or rather, he hoped it would be a good one.

It would be a painful day...but he would be made whole.

Winry was installing new auto mail.

At least when the old pieces were removed this time, he would be asleep for it.

Right now he was in a gown, being prepped for surgery. Now that he was in his right mind the doctors milling around his room didn't seem nearly as frightening. But still, the feelings of distrust and anxiety remained.

A slight click and his attention was pulled to his door, Winry was there carrying her toolkit.

It looked odd…that smooth, cool, slightly abused metal contrasted sharply with the rest of the room…wrenches would seem out of place in the operating room, at least to the conventional doctors.

"You'll be fine." She whispered, kissing him lightly on his now cool forehead. "It won't be nearly as bad as your first time." Tremors were running up and down his body; he was very nervous.

"I hope not..."

"You'll see, I'm going to handle everything." She entwined her fingers in his and squeezed gently, leaning down again to capture his mouth. His lips trembled against her own and she could taste his fear. "I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you…I promise…"

"…I know…"

The doctors came next, ready to cart him away to the surgery. Scared golden eyes held sapphire gems for as long as they could. Winry gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

His fright still lingered on her tongue.

* * *

The surgery was going well. Edward was unconscious; the anesthetic doing its job properly.

Blood welled up in the cavity where the auto mail remains had been removed from his shoulder and Winry asked for suction, trying to keep memories from so many years ago from invading her otherwise occupied mind.

"You've been through a lot…eh, Ed…" A nurse wiped sweat off Winry's brow with a dry cotton cloth.

Really, his shoulder and leg were a mess…

It had taken the better part of two hours to successfully remove the broken pieces, some of which had been healed over with skin and flesh.

She could only imagine how much pain he had been in these past days.

"Winry?" Al, dressed in surgical scrubs and a mask gripped his elders brother's remaining hand. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine…don't worry about me…" Lithe fingers began screwing in the bolts that would secure his new docks to the bones in his shoulder. Her handy wrench finished the job, arm straining from the fifty or so she had already done, and for a moment she wished she had agreed to her grandmother's offer of help…

Next were the pins…she reached for the tray next to Edward's face and found herself staring into heavy-lidded golden eyes.

"Mind the anesthesia!" She yelled at the unwatchful nurse at the control knobs. "Don't you _dare _let him wake up in the middle of this!" Words, laced with venom, were spat at the sputtering woman who was frantically turning the dial up, flooding the mask over the Alchemist's face with clear gas. To the still mostly-asleep teen on the table she whispered "just close your eyes, Edward" soothingly into his ear, relieved when his lids slipped shut and he drifted completely away. A smile of relief formed under her mask for a split second.

"Winry?"

"Shh, Al." Her grin morphed into a snarl, burning cobalt eyes glared daggers into the stammering woman. "Get out of here and send in a new nurse." Nimble hands kept working on the body of her best friend and love, going through well-known motions. "Don't even let me see you in the halls after I'm through."

Al sighed, gripping the pale, cold hand in his own glove-clad fingers. He was glad Ed wasn't screaming, he was glad his brother was asleep, glad that, unlike the last time, he could glide peacefully through the operation…

A sad grin split Al's face under the green film as he gazed at his childhood friend.

Once again her full concentration was turned onto the prone body before her. Delicate, ravaged tissues, swollen with blood rested under her fingertips. Black threads laced through the pale skin, constraining lacerations that would takes weeks to heal…

And she hadn't even finished half his arm.

His leg was worse, if that was even possible, and she was dreading the extraction. X-rays showed that there were bolts and plates deep under his skin, causing and trapping the infection that had given the doctors such a difficult time.

The idea of having two operations had been proposed and Edward had declined saying that he would rather get it over with now…if Winry was up to it.

Of course she had said yes.

Another bolt, another pin, another stitch.

She now had nurses working behind her, sewing up the alchemist on the table as fast as Winry could get out of the way. The mechanic had to admit that their stitching was better. Nice, neat little strands of string versus her choppy uneven lines.

Another nurse swabbed Winry's forehead…the lights were so bright…her heart was pounding, had been pounding, since she gazed into those heavy eyes two hours in. Calloused fingers began to tremble, arms quaked and the pins that she held in her hands dropped to the hard floor.

"Winry?" Al asked, his mask distorting his voice, or was it her hearing? The world began to spin, the lights flickered and a nurse stood solidly behind her.

"Miss?"

"I…I'm…"

"Can you continue?" A wash of lightheadedness passed over her and she felt her knees give a little. Luckily she managed to catch herself.

"Ed's fine…"

"Miss?"

"Ed's fine and I can do this…I told him he'd be okay…"

"Miss, I think you'd better leave the operating room…we'll close up and you can continue in a few-"

"No! I said he'd be fine and we'd finish today…I was just, it doesn't matter, get me more pins!" Al smiled.

There was the Winry he knew his brother loved.

* * *

Four hours later, it was over. Bleeding complications…muscle issues…metal concerns…

It had been difficult. Edward's ruined body had fought her every step of the way.

But instead of resting as she knew she should, Winry stayed by his side, determined that she would be there when he opened his eyes.

She knew it would take a while…but she couldn't help but admire her handiwork. The gleaming metal of his brand new shoulder shone in the dying light of an afternoon sun. His arm and leg gleam just as vividly on the table next to him waiting to be attached after Edward began to heal. They were light, durable and sleek. Much better designed than even her last set.

Rush Valley had taught her a lot.

"You should rest." She was too tired to be surprised by the deep melodic voice of Roy Mustang.

"I don't want to leave him."

"At least lie down for a bit." Havoc and Fury wheeled in an empty bed and Mustang gestured towards it with one hand, offering his other to Winry. Gratefully she took it and allowed him to help her to her feet, clamoring onto the white spread she reclined so that she could face the sleeping teen beside her.

"I'm not sleeping…" she murmured as Mustang pulled the sheets up around her shoulders. "I don't need those…"

"I know…" the fuehrer's lips twitched upward and he shoved the other two out of the room.

Winry had fallen asleep before Roy had let the fabric slip from his fingers.

* * *

Several hours later Ed forced his eyes open. His body felt heavy and his limbs wouldn't move for him. Beeping…a beeping machine had woken him…

Dimly he was aware that it was his blood pressure monitor and he wondered why no one was attending to it; he could see the blinking red light reflecting off the dark walls of his room.

A shadow moved across the ceiling and he sat bolt upright.

Edward's heart skipped a beat and clenched, a hard rock in his chest.

His breathing quickened into harsh gasps that hurt his throat.

The machine continued it's endless serenade.

Red flashed.

The shaking began.

Pain! His shoulder hurt…ignoring his still tender neck and newly opened flesh he jerked his head around, frantically searching for the source of the shadow.

Mengele!

His mind screamed at him, screeched at him to run. Run!

Lethargy forgotten, the terrified alchemist tried desperately to control himself. Tremors that threatened to tear him apart forced his body onto its side.

Silent sobs tore from his lungs, raspy breathes shook him.

Shadows were coming closer, suffocating him…drowning him! The hands, reaching…

"Ed?" A sleep-heavy voice tore him out of his nightmarish state.

"Isa…?"

"Who? Ed?" The voice was scared now, the owner was coming closer.

"No! Stay away!" Ed flung his hand in an arc, overbalancing his body and causing to topple over the metal barrier.

"Ed! What's wrong?" Soft hands supported him and fingers ran through his sweaty

hair. "Hey, hey, It's Winry, remember?"

"Winry…I thought you were someone else…" he chuckled, "but that would be impossible…she's dead now, I know that…" His head turned and haunted gold eyes stared at the concerned mechanic. "She looked so much like you…when you were little…" gently his left hand brushed stray strands of straw-colored hair away from her face, quivering fingers tucked them behind her ear.

"Ed?"

"I tried to be strong for her…even after he took them…I was so weak…" A tear ran down his face and he choked, turning his head away again. "I couldn't protect the one thing I had left…" His body relaxed into Winry's. "But I'm not making excuses, Isa…you knew I wasn't strong enough to even save myself…" A heavy sigh. "You took care of me…you were my strength…and when they took you from me…" Tears struck Winry's hands and had dried there by the time Ed began talking again. "I let you die…"

"It's okay, she knows…"

"I've failed so many people, Winry…my own weakness kills everyone around me…" Another hollow laugh. "My hands…they create so much and destroy so many…" He was whispering now. "My sins are so heavy…I don't want to carry them anymore…I'm so tired…Winry…I'm so sorry…for placing all of this on your shoulders…" he turned to face her.

"Ed, I don't mind, it's okay." She grinned, "I promise." Falling forward and causing Winry to catch him, he embraced her with his one arm, kissing the nape of her neck. She could feel his lips move, this tactile closeness what he needed desperately…he was whispering into her skin and she strained to hear his words.

"…I love you so much…"

"I know," she pushed him away and returned the kiss tenderly, breaking away after a brief moment. "Now come on, it's cold down here, lets get you back into bed…" She tried to lift him, but he had relaxed so completely that his dead weight was unexpected and she staggered. "Ed?"

"Will you stay with me?" Hefting him up she rolled him back into his sheets.

"Of course," She tucked him under the bedspread tightly, checking the readings on the flickering screen and, deciding that it was all voice and no meaning, turned it off. "I'll be right here beside you."

"I mean…forever…will you stay with me…forever…?"


	8. Chapter Eight

OH MY GOSH! I am soooooo sorry! I haven't had a good com for a while…and well…I've been busy!

I know…excuses…

Well…I hope some of you are still interested…and I also hope I don't disappoint too badly…

And sadly…the cliffhanger will continue for a bit longer.

But in other news, a friend of mine and I have created a website…hopefully some art from here will be put up soonish…I urge you to check it out in my info...

still way under construction.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT! And man, was this hard to write…and sorry it's so short!

* * *

It was strange the way Mengele seemed to glow in the wake of all this destruction. The man seemed to love the pain and suffering that surrounded him.

"You will go through processing with the other trash…I will see you at the end of everything." Smooth fingers gripped Edward's chin, blue eyes stared intently into pools of liquid gold. "I hope you enjoy your stay here as much as I will…Now go…before I change my mind, brat." A quick swat across the face with his riding crop left a welt but didn't split Ed's skin and only aggravated his growing headache.

It felt like he was floating…he was so hot…

He was pushed along with the others into a large warehouse, stripped of his shoes…he watched them add to the mountainous pile…

The stones cut into his sensitive feet and farther down the line he could make out a trail of rust. He was pushed along; the mountain grew behind him.

His clothes were taken and he was forced to dig quickly in a large heap to find anything that would fit him. Being shoved quickly along he was forced to settle with a shirt that was a size big for him and pants that needed an extra hand to help them stay around his waist.

He didn't think that he would have the time to grow into them.

"Hurry up!" A gruff voice that barely sounded human erupted next to Ed's ear. The teen clutched his head and staggered forward…falling…the words echoed in his skull…

A woman caught him and helped him walk.

"It's amazing you made it through the check…you're melting with fever…" her thin hand traced a gentle line down his face.

"Mengele wanted me…" he managed to choke out. Through his hazy vision he made out a sad smile.

"He wants my children too…they're twins…Isa and Elli…" He could hear her begin to cry as the pair stepped out from behind her frayed and dirty skirt. Both had shocking blonde hair and striking blue eyes…so familiar…

* * *

_Cerulean eyes watched intently as the brother placed their hands on the chalk circle…_

_A glow…the tiny pile of matter in the center began to form…_

_Screaming…_

_Always…hands…screaming…screaming…black…_

* * *

"Eh?" Edward was thrown out of his reverie when the mother of the children began to yell. Her voice was hoarse and strained, her eyes were wild as she punched and clawed at the guards.

"No wait! My children! Stop! No, please!" She was shrieking at the top of her lungs and lunging out of line, desperate and grabbing. Absently, weakly he clutched her hands as his vision exploded into stars after he was abruptly hit in the back with the butt of a heavy rifle. He fell to his knees in pain as the woman was torn away from her twins. "Isa! Elli! I love you!" She bit into the exposed arm of one of the men. He yelped and let go of her shoulders. "Monsters!" She spat blood into the face of the other teenager. "My children! Plea-hrack!"

She fell silent as the fist flew into her face. Blood and tears flew everywhere.

She sobbed.

"Momma!" The pair cried, tears streaming down their small faces. "Momma!" Surprising himself Edward grabbed the girls and pulled them into his chest, shielding them from any blows the guards dished out. The woman's…he regretted not knowing her name…frantic cries died away and he was tugged to his feet.

They were now in the tattoo line.

"Try to be strong you two…" he whispered to the sniffling pair. "I know you miss your mother, but we're going to get through this…I promise…" his right arm was pulled gently to a table by another prisoner. Surprise registered within his pain-filled eyes. "You'll have to use my left…" Ed extended the limb and braced himself for the sting of the needle in his wrist. Halfway through the man stopped and stared with fear over Edward's head.

"Didn't I tell you filthy mongrels that I didn't want this one marked?" A sickly saccharine voice that Ed recognized as Mengele's echoed around the warehouse.

"I'm sorry, sir…" the man was lifted by a pair of guards and the blonde alchemist never saw him again.

Ed's identification number was Z73 and half a zero.

He waited as indiscreetly as he could for Isa and Ellie wishing that he could be with them as they felt the sting of the needle. They both gripped his hands as hard as they could when they finally reached him. He could, would protect these children with all he had left.

"My name is Edward Elric." He said softly with his rough accent.

"Your hand feels funny…" One of the girls, the one clutching his right, mentioned it quietly and continued to hold tightly onto him.

"It's called automail…I lost my real arm in an accident…"

They were moving slowly forward with a hundred prisoners or more. It would be the hair next.

"Ah!" Edward gasped sharply as his braid was suddenly yanked backwards and down. Hands strangely empty and cold told him that the girls were gone…taken…always taken…

"Ha!" A guard leered in his face as the twins were carried off somewhere else, out of his sight…screaming his name. "What've we got here?" The Nazi jeered and pulled harder. "A little girl?" Laughter rang in Ed's ears, his head pounded…his vision swam red with hatred and pain. "Don't worry little girl…we'll soon have you looking as pretty as ever!" The former state alchemist was thrown into the table and another man with a rusty pair of scissors took hold of his bloody hair.

"I'm sorry…but I have to…" The broken man, lips cracked and bleeding…fingers worn and calloused, apologized with as much feeling as he could manage. Edward felt the man grasp the bottom of his braid and straighten it out. Gently he pulled and the blond heard the scissors slice into his hair. Honey strands fell into his face and framed it more and more as one of his most identifying features was cut away. Two tables down he could see that Isa and Ellie were suffering the same fate. Tears were rolling down their cheeks and the prisoners trimming their lovely hair were speaking with them…saying what Edward didn't know. Piece after piece fell to the table, strand after strand littered the ground and he wasn't sure if it would ever stop. Finally, his hair so short that he could feel a chill wind riffle through it, the man was done. The dirtied hair was gathered up and tossed behind him into a bag of blond strands. The brilliant braid was soon lost to sight as others dumped more tresses on top.

"Get going!" He stumbled forward, thoroughly sick of being hit in the back by the rifles, and hurried to catch up with the twins.

"Oh Edward…" One sniffed, hugging his metal arm. "Momma always told me I had beautiful hair…they took it away…"

"It's still beautiful…" He smiled sadly for her hair was as short as his own…

"Edward…what's that smell?" One of the twins wrinkled her nose as they exited the line to stand in an open courtyard. Indeed, as he unwittingly sniffed the air he immediately remembered the smell from before.

"It's fire…" How could he tell them what it really was?

"Our fires at home didn't smell like this."

"Well…the…wood…is different." Speaking slowly he fought hard not to gag on what he knew was burning bodies. A fine ash drifted through the air and it took all he had not to brush it frantically of off him. Shuddering he gazed down at the pair. "Don't you worry about anything…I won't let anything happen to you…"  
"_Please" _he thought, "_please, let me protect them like I never could Al…or Winry…"_

Heavy steps marked the arrival of Mengele. All sound seemed to stop around them…only the heavy tread of highly shined, black boots echoed through the air. Ed looked up into the blue eyes of one he knew was a killer. That warm smile and friendly demeanor couldn't hide that stain from him. He clutched Isa and Elli tighter and gently pushed them slightly behind him.

"I trust you enjoyed your journey?" A dark laugh followed and one gloved hand reached forward to pet the remains of Edward's hair. The blond jerked away and glared. "Oh?" The friendly smile didn't fade. "Hello there," he bent at the waist and looked behind the glaring teen's body. "Who do we have here?"

"Isa."

"Elli." The pair spoke as one and peeked out from either side.

"Oh, such pretty names." Mengele held out his hand. "Why don't you two come with me…and we'll get you some food and some sleep?" Elli stepped out first as Isa stayed behind Ed. "_Please don't go!"_ He prayed and begged the forces that ruled this god-forsaken place to spare them.

"Isa, come on." Elli, a bit braver now, pushed for her sister to follow and to Ed's dismay, she did. Blue eyes pleaded with gold as she gazed back over her shoulder at him.

"It'll be okay, you two just step into that truck over there and I'll be along in a few minutes with your new friend." The pair complied and Edward tried to rush after them. A hand in the face quickly stopped any action. "I'd advise you to shape up, boy. I promise you, special equipment won't keep you safe forever." He leaned in closer, face contorting into a demon. "You are mine and I will do with you as I wish." Smart boots clicked together as he turned. "Get on the truck."

Inside Ed seethed with rage and hatred. Outwardly, he somehow kept calm and did as he was told save for one thing. Halfway to the truck he turned back to face the grinning maniac.

"As long as we're making promises, I will kill you."


	9. Chapter Nine

_Forever._

Winry tested the word in her mind, whispered it into the darkness above Edward's short, too short hair. She had curled her body next to him; chilled by his words about the child he claimed looked so like her, warmed by his body so real she ached deep inside her chest with _want_.

For so long she had needed this. For him to recognize any feelings for her…to reciprocate her longing for him in a way she had thought he would never be able to.

Why now? Because of the girl? This Isa? Whom he'd suffered for and _lived _for?

Winry knew she'd say yes when he woke. She would capture his mouth with her own, tears in her eyes and sigh 'yes, yes, yes' into his lips. He would smile, she knew, he would be happy, but could he truly be hers? The mechanic would fight for him every step of the way even if perhaps she could never win completely. She vowed as she stroked his hair and face that she would support him in any way that she could. She would give her life for him to be happy again…to live finally for himself, to find his happiness. Her eyes grew heavy while her body relaxed into the too warm body next to her. Edward's pulse beat as part of hers and she allowed it to soothe her, comfort her in a way she hadn't known for so many years.

Winry sighed deeply, her feelings bittersweet. She would fight for him. Even if it took forever.

o.o

_Smoke. Black. Oily. Bitter._

_Shapes moving in the cloying darkness…people? Soldiers? A white coat…maniacal laughter…pain! _

_Clarity._

_A familiar body moving through fellow prisoners, striped clothing sagging off his body like a second ugly, dirty skin, like the second face he wore that didn't belong to him. Edward wondered if he were looking into a mirror._

_He dearly hoped he wasn't._

"_Envy?" _

"_They'll come for you too you know. They always come…in the night…you stand in the bitter cold and snow and if you move you die…" Envy was muttering like a man possessed. _

"_Who will come?"_

"They_ will come and take her and strip her and hurt her and kill her. _They_ will take all you love and put it against the execution wall and shoot and shoot and shoot until everything is gone and gone and gone."_

"_Stop it, Envy."_

"They_ will find you in the night hiding among the bodies and laugh and laugh and laugh at the futility of _you_!"_

_Stop it, Envy!"_

_The homunculus' gaze was hollow, looking at Edward for what seemed like the first time. _

"_You know it's the truth. You know it and you hate it. You are weak! Powerless! Who will save _you?_"_

"_Shut up."_

"_You'll die like a dog. Like a dog and no one will hear you suffer!"_

"_Shut up!" _

"_Or scream or live or die or breathe!"_

"_Be quiet!" _

Strong hands were rattling him, shaking his body back and forth. His head hurt, he was so confused, caught as he was in the depths of an all-too-real nightmare. Someone was screaming. Who? Where was Isa? She needed him! His eyes snapped open, mouth frozen open. The yelling continued.

It was him.

Edward sobbed for breath as his one good eye frantically searching for what he didn't even know. He _forced _the screaming to stop and god it was so hard. Winry flooded his field of vision. She was waving the nurse holding the syringe out of the room. Ed panicked. _He'd been found._ Envy was right. They had come. _They _would take her away from him.

"Who was she?" Edward demanded, shaking uncontrollably. "She's working for him isn't she? Did you lead them here?" Winry was confused but she held him tightly anyway while fear worked its way hot and tight up into her throat. "It's okay…even if you did lead them here it's not your fault."

"Ed…Ed you're confused…" The mechanic started weakly, cupping his cheek with one palm, registering the heat of a blazing fever, forcing his wild, glazed, eyes to focus on hers. "Calm down…we're safe here, I promise."

"No…no, no, no I'm not confused…Isa…Winry, we're not safe here. We need to find Isa and get out of here." He gripped her hand so hard it hurt. "It's dangerous…they'll kill you, they'll kill all of us." Looking towards the door he gripped Winry in a fierce one armed hug. "If they try anything I'll kill them…I'll kill all of them I swear it!" The mechanic choked back tears. Ed had no idea where he was, when he was. He was barely lucid, caught in a delusion. The situation was quickly becoming dangerous and Winry had no idea what to do.

"Edward…listen to me…" she stroked his back soothingly and glanced backwards over her shoulder at the door. She could see Roy lingering just out of Edward's line of sight. "I need to go check and see if they're coming back…" The former alchemist let his grip slacken.

"Good idea. I'll check the windows and see if we can climb down from here." Winry shook her head and climbed off the mattress, signaling Mustang with a look she hoped meant '_wait_'. There was no way in his condition Ed would be able to get out of the hospital bed.

"Stay here." She told him firmly. "You can pretend to be asleep…they won't suspect anything." He was nodding forcibly, body trembling as the adrenaline of his nightmare wore off with no energy to replace it.

"Yeah…yeah…good idea…" She helped him lie back as he blinked heavily, long and slow.

"Wait here…okay Ed? Wait." Winry smoothed the covers over his body as the first tears slipped unbidden down her cheeks patterning the crisp sheets in dark, oblique spots.

"Shhh…don't cry…we'll be okay…" he gasped for breath. "…Winry…" Edward continued painfully slow, "…I promise…we'll be…okay…" Golden eyes slipped shut heavily, fighting to stay conscious even as his body gave into tremendous weakness, and Roy flowed into the room gesturing for the staff to stay the hell back.

"What happened?" Winry swallowed hard. And swallowed again and again, finally dissolving into sobs that shook her entire frame as she slipped to her knees on the floor. The Flame Alchemist followed her down, gently placing a hand on her back. "Should I get Riza?"

"No…no…he has a fever of at least 39 degrees Celsius." She shuddered, rubbing the tears away viciously and forcing her body under control. "He needs serious medical attention right now." Edward's primary doctor rushed into the room flanked by nurses and immediately began issuing orders. "Thank god Al wasn't here to see that…"

"Miss Winry…" The doctor was crouched next to her on the floor now. Hell…it was a regular floor party at this point. "I believe Edward would benefit from a psychiatric evaluation. He is obviously struggling with something we can't understand." She nodded and Mustang gripped her shoulder.

"We knew this was a very real possibility Doctor." His voice, so strong and reassuring, grounded Winry and she choked in another shuddering breath.

"Yes…" She agreed. "When he is cognizant enough one should be performed…" She stood abruptly, gazing long and hard at her best friend caught in the throes of a very high fever, trying desperately to funnel her own strength into his failing body. "I need…I need I don't know what I need…I'll be back soon." Winry rubbed her face once more. "Please excuse me." And was gone.

O.O

It has certainly been a while…but one day I'll finish this thing…

Thank you all for your continued support!


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